Totally Safe: Answers from a Gamer and a Psycho
by Haters Make Us Freaks Famous
Summary: Beyond Birthday and Matt have been locked in a room. The natural thing to do? Answer your questions, of course! Maybe not willingly...but who has to know? They'll take on any question, any dare, and perhaps give advice too. Note: this is all out of fun.
1. You Broke My Jam

_Beep Beep-Beep_

_Beep; Beep Beep Beep_

_Beep Be-Beep; B-B-Beep_

**Beyond Birthday: *Walks in* Hey, Matt?**

**Matt: Yeah? *Focused intensely on game***

**Beyond Birthday: *Closes door behind him* Get up. **

**Matt: Why? **

**Beyond Birthday: People are actually _reading_ this. **

**Matt: ...Are you serious? *Looks at you all***

**Beyond Birthday: Yep. *Moves to couch, stealing L's thinking position***

**Matt: Awesome! *Hasn't moved***

**Beyond Birthday: *Raises brow* We're going to be interviewed...Or asked for advice. Or dared to do random things. **

**Matt: Right now? **

_***Door clicks; locked shot***_

**Beyond Birthday: Do you have a better idea? **

**Matt: *Smiles and continues gaming***

**Beyond Birthday: I told you to get up, Matt. *Frowns, shaking head before raiding fridge***

**Matt: Why so serious? *Eyes flicker between BB and the TV set***

**Beyond Birthday: Where's your jam? I know you have some. *Suspicious glare***

**Matt: I put it up. *Looks back at television***

**Beyond Birthday: Tell...me...*Reaches for knife***

**Matt: Find it. *Small smile* It's somewhere around here. **

**Beyond Birthday: ...**

**

* * *

**

**Me: Well, you're able to see these two because of the surveilance cameras we keep in the room. Pretty handy, eh? Luckily, since they're both here now, they're now perfectly ready to answer your questions~! Whether it be advice, dares, or simply questions about themselves, you can now have fun wi-**

_***Shatters; something big and made of glass crashing***_

**Me: ...Well, ah, let's get started! ^_^"**


	2. Awkward Turtles

**Beyond Birthday: _*Tap taps glass* _Is it on yet, Matt? **

**Matt: Yeah! Just got it. **

***_Fuzzy static from the newly-installed two-way camera*_**

**Matt: *Sits next to Beyond on couch, waiting for image to show up***

**Beyond Birthday: Oh, hey, it's starting to clear.**

**Matt: Nice! Hey, look, our first person. *Waves***

Incoming Response: skylarkz  


There seem to be a heap of these going around lately lol. Okay, I'll ask a few questions!

**Beyond Birthday: Well... have you seen one with just us two? Heh? **

**Matt: Probably not. But maybe that's just because we're... special. Yeah! **

**Beyond Birthday: *Raises brow***

*BB*

1. So, you're supposedly a neat freak, right? What caused that?

**Beyond Birthday: Mm...I'm just a perfectionist. *Grins* Really, though. I've always been picky about those quirky types of things. I have CDO. It's like OCD, but in alphabetical order. **

2. What's your natural eye colour?

**Beyond Birthday: It's a pale red shade...Like strawberries. *Chuckles* For the sake of the L.A.B.B. Cases, I wore contacts. Heh heh. **

3. Who do you want to kill most in the world?

**Beyond Birthday: Me? Really? For what reason would **_**I **_**want to kill anybody? It's not like Kira or anyone gave me a "mysterious" heart attack just as...Matt? Matt! **_***Taps video camera***_

**Matt: I'm working on it! You're real bossy sometimes, BB. *Rolls eyes; fiddles with wires***

4. *throws Jam at* Eat it. Off the floor. Like a dog. NOW.

**Matt: It's working just fine now! *Smiles***

**Beyond Birthday: ...Such great timing. **

**Matt: I think you have jam to eat now. *Snickers***

**Beyond Birthday: *Flips Matt off before eating the jam off the floor indifferently***

*MATTIE!*

1. What is the STRANGEST game you've ever played?

**Matt: Huh...There's been a lot, but I guess this one game called "False Alarm"? It was based off the show Happy Tree Friends. Definitely a fun game, though. *chuckles***

2. Fave game?

**Matt: Again, there's been a lot. It changes about once a week. So, I would have to say KH II for the moment? Haha, so old, but it's fun. **

3. Do you love Mello? *throws Mello plushie at*

**Matt: He's mah fwend? *catches plushie***

4. *magically dangles gaming system(s) in air* You can have them back if you say something sexy ;)

**Matt: *Looks up helplessly*...Like what? I don't really know...**

**Beyond Birthday: I can help. *Pinches Matt's arm abruptly***

**Matt: Ow! That actually hurt! **

**Beyond Birthday: A sexy noise can count, right? **

**Matt: *Glares and rubs arm***

Lol, this should be interesting, with only Mattie and Birthday. OMG MATTIE'S BIRTHDAY WAS TWO DAYS AGO! *faints* YOU TOTALLY CHOSE THOSE TWO FOR THAT SOLE PURPOSE! :D

**Me: ...Maybe. Heh. :) **

Incoming response: StrawberrySky11  


Okay, fine, I'll ask advice from BB and Matt, both. 

**Beyond Birthday: Before you start, I wanted to let you know that I like your name. Well, minus the Sky11 bit. *Smiles as sad violin music starts***

*Insert violin music here.*

Well, the guy who I like may or may not like me. He acts like he does, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. There's a relatively big age gap, and that doesn't bother me, but it may bother him. I'm always catching him looking at me, and whenever our eyes connect he smiles at me. Should I keep pursuing him, or just wait and see what happens?

**Beyond Birthday: Well, have you known him for a while? Are you two of you friends, or is it more of a 'hi, bye' kind of relationship? If it's the latter, I would wait until you know him better before you keep persuring.**

**Matt: BB kinda summed it up for me, but...yeah. I think you should wait a few weeks, maybe pay a little closer attention to what he says or does to give you a better idea. If you're still not sure by then, sure, why not go for it?**

-cliche over.

*Glomps Matt*

**Matt: *Is glomp'd* :D Wait...You just magically came out of the camera! D:**

(PS. Great idea, by the way!)

**Me: Yay for giving Matt and BB more love! **

Incoming response: bittersweet-endings-2214  


Hallo! First, I must say this... I'm a B fangirl! .

**Beyond Birthday: Hey, Matt? I bet I have more fangirls than you. *Smirks***

**Matt: ...We'll see. **

First, for Matty-Cakes:

Do you like waffelz?

Do you like pancakes?

Do you like French toast?

Do-do-do-do~

**Matt: Can't wait to get a mouthful! :D Waffles! So yes, yes, and...meh. Something tells me you like that song. :)**  
  
Have you played the Bioshock games? They're amazing!

**Matt: Indeed I have. They were pretty awesome. I managed to get all three endings. ;D**

Now for BB-chan:

**Beyond Birthday: *Frowns a bit at the -chan***

DO YOU... wet the bed lol

**Beyond Birthday: No...*Sideways glance***

-pushes Lawli into the room- I dare you to make out with L! 

**Beyond Birthday: Why must someone always bring him into it...? I mean, it's just so-**

**Me: *Pushes BB into L before a rant starts***

Are you gay?

**Beyond Birthday: I guess. It's just not really something I take into consideration often. Hm...**

(I think a sad B-kun is a cute B-kun.. Hmm...)

-harshly- You are awful, BACKUP. You could of never surpassed L. You are more pathetic than LIGHT-KIRA!

**Beyond Birthday: Oh. Hm. *Nods understandably* That's nice. *Grabs nearest cleaver and slices off your head before you can finish***

-runs off and cries-WAAA! I'm so so sooooorrrrrrryyyyy! Waaaaa!~

**Beyond Birthday: ...I probably shouldn't have just done that then. *Slides bloodied cleaver under Matt's couch and whistles innocently***

I'm all snuffles now... Bai bai...

**Matt and Beyond Birthday: Bye! *Wave***

Incoming response: xXxFluffyxXx  


Awesomeeeeeee! Time to ask questions to my favorite character! XD and no, it isn't Matty. Even though he IS adorable...

**Beyond Birthday: That's two fangirls to one, Matty. *Snickers***

**Matt: No it isn't. You just killed the last one. **

**Beyond Birthday: Still counts. **

**Matt: *Shakes head***

So Beyond Birthday... Here are your questions!

1) How do you feel about thousands of people writing about you and your supposedly 'excitingly sadistic' love life?

**Beyond Birthday: Hm...It's good that they're being creative...? Haven't exactly read any. Is it any good? *Curious smile***

2) Are you really enough of a sadist to run into Wammy's, steal some random successor to L, torture the kid, and laugh about it? Basically, are you the person that most of the fans portray you as? X,..,X

**Beyond Birthday: Only if I can be creative with it. Kyaha! But really. I would either be in an experimental mood or it would have to be something about L directly for me to do that. Then yes, I would totally do that. Otherwise I would simply be bored. So, I think that would be a 'yes' and a 'no'. **

3) What pairings do you agree with? Or do you just hate them all and plan to chop off the authors' heads because you hate them SO much?

**Beyond Birthday: The only thing that bothers me is Mpreg. It's just creepy to me. Other than that, I don't really care about whom the authors write about. Aheheh. **

4) DARE: I triple dog DARE you to go find some other character that the author is hiding away and hug them! XD NO HIDING KNIVES BEHIND YOUR BACK! 

**Beyond Birthday: *Drops knives behind back* I have no idea what you're talking about. But this dare could be difficult, considering it's just me and Matt locked in here. Eh? Author? *Knocks at two-way window***

**Me: Otay. :) *Unlocks door quickly and throws Near in room***

**Beyond Birthday: Oh. That **_**might**_** be a bit awkward. *Hugs Near***

**Near: Please refrain from attempting to kill me. *Glances away***

**Beyond Birthday: *Glares* I swear, I did not think that was you. It was dark, and I was just trying to pull off this joke, and-**

**Near: *Darts out of room* *Locks door behind him***

**Beyond Birthday: Weeell...At least I hugged him.**

**Matt: *Precedes to do Awkward Turtle hand motion***

... I LOVE YOU BEYOND BIRTHDAY! EVERYONE ELSE (besides Near) GO DIE IN A HOLE!

**Matt: Aw :( Oh, hey, a Near fan. Those are kinda rare. High five? :)**

**Beyond Birthday: I feel loved. *Laughs before hearing door click***

**Matt: ...I wanted some potato chips. Not fair. D:**

**Beyond Birthday: Then go find some. Meanwhile, I'm going to turn off this camera. Solely because a _human being_ just transported through it. Now, if that had been jam, this would be a different story. ;)**


End file.
